So i guess it takes new people to make you open your eyes to what is to come...

So i have to say that last night i had the most AMAZING talk with a new and dear friend of mine, she knows who she is, who has taken the time to get to know me, not like my other friends haven't they know me quite well, however this one is different this one already has held a true place, along with others, in my heart just by the way she has looked at me as someone to lean on and someone to listen as well as someone to listen to my heartache and my concerns and my loss of faith in LOVE. Now its taken me a long time to realize that i just wasn't gonna let love in again, i didn't have the PATIENCE, if you will, for it. I decided a hot minute ago that i was not gonna let my heart open up like that again and be crushed because i don't know exactly how i would handle it again. Yet i had the most AMAZING talk with, like i said before, a new and dear friend of mine, who made me realize that i'm sellin myself short by not letting myself be able to feel that joy of unconditional love for someone else other than my daughter. She also opened my eyes that by not bein sincerely happy in myself my daughter would see that and feed off that negative energy. I can't believe how much i realized in the 3 hours that we talked( GOD I LOVE THOSE TALKS AND I MISSED'EM) how much i needed to find happiness in myself to be even closer and happier with my relationship with my daughter. I guess i'm rambling on a little bit here, i guess my ultimate rhyme and reason to my words is that there is a bigger picture when it comes to COMPLETE HAPPINESS, and we all have different ways of finding that COMPLETENESS and all in all our lives do not die when we have kids so we seemed to think, my motto was, " MY LIFE IS NO LONGER MY LIFE, MY LIFE IS MY DAUGHTERS' LIFE" and thats not how to look at your happiness because you will never take the time out to find your center and your happiness you'll always put your kids first in front of you. Now don't get me wrong my daughter always comes first in everything, but lemme ask u this, If my daughter ALWAYS comes first when do i get to find TRUE happiness or has it already slipped through the cracks??? Thank you to my new special friend for asking the ?'s that made me open up the way it did it felt really good to get that stuff out even though u saw me cry... DAMNIT lol

Until next time and next chapter always look your star player in the mirror because thats who really counts in the end...