So does spiraling downward ever lead to goin up???

So as you were right, Ally, your blog did help me out alot, as i stand now i never did realize that we do lose ourselves as we grow older and we do become more scared of what might happen and not excited for what will happen or the GREAt things that are in store for us. Why is it that we, as kids, would jump off a bridge into a lake or just jump off a couch into pillows with no care in the world? Why is it that as we get older we take into affect, well most of us, what other people tell us is right and wrong? How do they know what is right and wrong for ME? How do they know what i should or shouldn't be doin, unless its illegal? I guess in lue of everything i always thought that making sure my daughter was happy was the most important thing in the world yet i realize now that i have to make myself happy and take care of myself because thats the only thing Des is gonna pay attention to in the long run. Not how much stuff i buy her or where exactly i take her everyday that i do have her its how happy am i with myself. I guess i still haven't gotten to that point of understanding it but i have to try it i mean what could go wrong? I think it all stems back to my mom and her breaking me down and her being so unhappy with what she was doin with her life and what job she was workin that it brought it down upon me and made me feel like i needed to shower Des with gifts to make her happy. I think i also realized it not only after your blog, Ally, but after i started to have a nervous breakdown just an hour or so ago my daughter walked into my room put her hand on my shoulder and told me how much she loves me and that everything is gonna be ok not to cry. That made me bawl even more just to know she sees that in my eyes i know now i have to pay attention to myself and the happiness in her eyes for me will always be there i just need to find my own happiness, which has started so far with meeting a new and exciting woman in my life, thank you so very much for seeing in me so far what i haven't really seen fully in my own eyes but as of now today is the start of a NEW DAY. I mean everyday when someone asks me how i'm doin i say, " I woke up breathing it only goes up from here." i never really knew that i should fully be living that to a "T" but i was in a slight way, now i guess is when the downward spiral starts to lead upward and outward on exactly what i can accomplish for myself and in turn that will bring me to the day of pure happiness between my daughter and my own life. I just have to say is Ally thank you for opening my eyes to quite a bit of things that i knew but never really knew or practiced in the long run, so thank you. As for Destiny i know now that all i have to do is be a good person to myself and be happy with who and what i have and not worry about what i need to do for her because in the long run its how i feel about myself which will reflect how Des grows up and what kind of morals she will have... I LOVE YOU DESTINY...Brad